Rules Are Rules

A rule is a rule and everyone knows,

that rules must be followed even if that rule blows

 

lorax

Chicken is simple, ribs and brisket are too

But pork? Ohhhh that pork has one hell of a rule

 

The beginning is easy, straight to the bolts and the nuts

Use a shoulder of pork; whole, picnics or butts

 

Bone in or bone out, either one is OK

It’s at this point that the simpleness just goes away

 

At home you may trim, but you can’t rub or season

No injections or brines, but that stands to reason

 

hands

What’s in a trim? That’s where it gets hard

To some it means take off the fat, gristle and lard

 

Others carve out the muscles and slice that butt down

Turn it inside out so that money sits on top like a crown

 

No matter how much you cut, if you want no objection

4 plus pounds it must weigh at the time of inspection

 

Before inspection you say? After that then I may?

Bring a knife in to flay, from a four down to trey?

 

Some will say legal, even more will say no

But our rule leaves it open so a hacking some go

 

ham

Your butt must be cooked whole, after “trimming” a bit

But then you can slice it, returning those parts to your pit

 

What’s the definition of “cooked”? What does the rule say?

Alas, it says nothing, so let’s consult a rep advisory!

 

Cooked means one forty-five with a three minute rest

For pork they decided that that is the test

 

We’ve made it all clear so the next time you’re  competing

Follow the rule and make sure you ain’t cheating!

 

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