A rule is a rule and everyone knows,
that rules must be followed even if that rule blows
Chicken is simple, ribs and brisket are too
But pork? Ohhhh that pork has one hell of a rule
The beginning is easy, straight to the bolts and the nuts
Use a shoulder of pork; whole, picnics or butts
Bone in or bone out, either one is OK
It’s at this point that the simpleness just goes away
At home you may trim, but you can’t rub or season
No injections or brines, but that stands to reason
What’s in a trim? That’s where it gets hard
To some it means take off the fat, gristle and lard
Others carve out the muscles and slice that butt down
Turn it inside out so that money sits on top like a crown
No matter how much you cut, if you want no objection
4 plus pounds it must weigh at the time of inspection
Before inspection you say? After that then I may?
Bring a knife in to flay, from a four down to trey?
Some will say legal, even more will say no
But our rule leaves it open so a hacking some go
Your butt must be cooked whole, after “trimming” a bit
But then you can slice it, returning those parts to your pit
What’s the definition of “cooked”? What does the rule say?
Alas, it says nothing, so let’s consult a rep advisory!
Cooked means one forty-five with a three minute rest
For pork they decided that that is the test
We’ve made it all clear so the next time you’re competing
Follow the rule and make sure you ain’t cheating!